Usually by this time today, I would have already gotten the turkey in the oven, as a rule we generally ate dinner between 2:00 – 3:00 pm. Not really sure why, it’s just something we’ve always done.
I always got a pretty large turkey, because I love all the leftovers. After the turkey was in, depending on what time I had gotten up to get it ready, I would sometimes go back to bed for a little nap, telling Tony that all he had to do was baste the turkey every so often, then recover it with the tinfoil.
Jennifer was never very interested in cooking, it just wasn’t her thing. But was always available if I needed an extra pair of hands helping with the busiest part…the last hour or two before dinner was ready. (As long as I didn’t make her touch the raw turkey!! She absolutely hated touching any kind of raw meat).
When I would get back up from my little cat nap, I would start to get out everything else that would be cooking towards the end. I would get each pan or whatever was needed, and place each box of whatever was going in to what so I was ready to go when the turkey came out.
Every year, Tony and Jennifer would tell me I didn’t need to go through all this trouble, but to me, it was just something I enjoyed doing for them. One year we went to a buffet, (and in Las Vegas, there are lots of those), but I didn’t really enjoy it as much as when I would cook myself.
So this year, there is no turkey baking, no pots and pans set out, waiting for whatever they were to be used for. There is nothing.
I don’t know if I will ever do the whole dinner thing again. There just doesn’t seem to be any point. I have been out of sorts since I got up this morning. And now I just feel totally depressed.
I want my life back, the one I had before Jennifer left us. It wasn’t perfect, probably far from it. But it was mine. It was ours. And it will never be again, what it once was, or what it could have been.