Jennifer’s birthday

Well we have made it through another year of holidays. Although this is technically our second Christmas without Jennifer, I truly don’t remember last years Christmas at all. I realize that the reason I don’t even remember last years holidays, because we were still in that mind numbing state of shock over the loss of our daughter.

If someone came up to me, and asked what we did for the holidays, I truly couldn’t answer them, because I really have no recollection of any part of them. This year really wasn’t that different, the only difference was that I went to the Desert Stars Red Hat Christmas party, on December 16th. Other than that, it was just like any other day.

Tony was home, for Christmas eve and Christmas day, but in all honesty it just felt like a weekend. And we did what we normally do on the weekends…nothing. ¬†We sleep in, watch tv, and try hard not to get too lost in missing Jennifer. That usually doesn’t work that we’ll either.

It is just so much of our lives now. Thinking about her, missing her, wishing that this wasn’t our lives now. But it is. This is our reality now.

Yesterday was Jennifer’s birthday, she would be 25 years old now, and we had a small reading yesterday, that I found out about through the online support group I am in now. Martin, and his wife Connie are both psychic mediums, and they too lost a child, their son Andrew.

I recorded the reading, because when you are hearing it, afterwards there are some things you don’t remember. He mentioned a park, or a park like area that Jennifer shared with her Dad, and a great deal of happiness around that area. He also asked what the 5th had to do with her. She passed away on December 5th. He also said that he was getting strong feelings about the month of August. Something she wants us to remember. Going to have to think about that part for a while, as nothing comes to mind.

He then asked if either of us did meditation. I recently bought two books on learning how to meditate. Martin said he is going to send us a CD he put out on meditation, and that Jennifer will be very easy to connect with once we learn how to do this. Very easy he said.

He also said that she is leaving signs for us a lot, and to just accept them, and to not question them, because she is leaving them very often. He also said that her energy is all over her Dad, and that he needs to let go of his guilt, and that they were so much alike. He also said that we would all be together again, when we pass on.

All in all, I felt very close to her, and that it was a wonderful way to spend some time with her on her birthday.

I am going to be spending a lot of time now learning how to meditate. Martin said that it is all about bringing my energy levels up, as Jennifer brings hers down. And if this can be a way for me to be with my daughter, then that is what I am going to do.

So a lot of studying is ahead of me, but the payoff will be so very much worth the effort!

So, Happy Birthday baby! Daddy and I love you so very much, and miss you very much. So HUGS and KISSES! With love, Daddy and Mama