I have told you about the grief support group, that I have been going to, and the group meets every Monday afternoon. These fast approaching holidays are doing a real number on pretty much everyone. We all wish that we could just jump ahead, to February or March.
I shared with the group about the online support group , Voices of Our Angels, that I am now a member of. And then I told them about the picture reading that I had had requested, using a picture that I had taken, capturing her sweet smile. Ironically, this was one of the last pictures ever taken of her.
Anyways, I shared my reading with the group, telling them pretty much everything. (that I could remember). On the evening that I was receiving the reading, I was sharing with my husband all the things that the reader was sharing with me, and when I got to the part where I was asked if I had any questions, he asked me to ask if Jennifer had still been alive when he got home.
So I asked the reader if she could please tell us, if our daughter was still alive when he arrived home. (Tony has struggled, and tortured himself over the fact that he was home for quite some time, before he decided to check on her). He had come home, made himself something to eat, and sat and watched TV, for about an hour and a half. He knew that she was home because he could see the light on in her room.
Anyways, the reader answered back that Jennifer said she had been gone for at least an hour before he even got home. Which is what I have been saying to him for many, many months. So I read that to him, along with the rest of the reading.
The next day my husband asked me if the reader had said anything else, (as she had said that she would pass along anything else, if she got anything more from Jennifer) and I checked, but there weren’t any other messages.
Then when I brought up the answer to his question about when Jennifer had passed, he turned to me, and said, “what else was she going to say? That no, Jennifer passed while I was here, and that I could have saved her?” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing!!!
So I got angry, and told him that if he didn’t like the real answer, (which I, myself have always maintained, that she had already been gone for some time, prior to him even leaving from work) then why was he asking me to ask it!! I told him goodnight, and as I am closing the door to our bedroom, he says I shouldn’t be angry.
So I turned back to him, and said, what’s going to happen on Saturday, when we have the reading…if it’s not the answer “you want, then it’s wrong?!”. I knew if I stayed in that room any longer, I was going to get very, very upset and angry.