With the support group that Sharon and I started last April, (my goodness it’s been almost a full year already!) was ready to grow, we appointed 2 more members as admins. One for the collection of funds to supplement our supplies, such as the battery operated candles, that everyone decorated in honor of their child. Some are very simple, while others have all sides of the candles decorated.
Anyway, as we have done in the past, we first approached the group, run everything by them, to make sure that everyone is comfortable with our new home, and any other matters that may need to be addressed, then if they are ready for us to take the next step, we outline what our game plan is. We have found that in doing things in this manner, brings forth ideas from the rest of the group.
I set up a secret Facebook page, that you have to be a member of the group to not only see it, but to post there as well.) It is getting post daily from some of the members.
I made the decision to monitor the group’s email, as I seem to have the most time on my hands, and I truly find that, while I am extremely sensitive to the pain and sorrow that they are experiencing as newly grieving parents, having walked in their shoes for the past 2 years,that I try to offer anything that they need from me…whether it’s a two am call, or just someone that they know that they can reach out to, and I will be there in whatever capacity that they need from me.
Yes, we have the support group, but from where they are standing, that can be a rather daunting task, especially if their loss is very recent. It takes a great deal of courage to walk into a room, where you know no one. And all this is compounded by the very new, raw, engulfing pain that you have been living with, since you lost your child.
So I sometimes find myself, doing a little one on one emailing, messaging or texting to these new parents, who find themselves overwhelmed, engulfed in a sea of pain, and confusion. The hardest thing a parent can go through is the loss of a child. My goal is to get them comfortable first with me, another mother, who is going through all of the same bewildering, painful emotions that they are. My hope is that I can get them comfortable with sharing their story, though this will never be a requirement of the group. We are here, every single Monday, because I, and the others in the group, feel that once a month meetings, as a couple of other bereaved parents support groups hold, is simply not enough. We decided, as a group, that more time is needed to really be there for one another. Let’s face it, you don’t just feel your grief one day a month. No, you feel it everyday, with every breath that you take. However, we will never, ever insist that you attend every week. Only you know what you are able to stand, and you will never be pushed into committing to more than you can handle.
We are here for you, as well as being there for one another. Allow us to be here for you, and I promise you, that you will eventually feel more and more at ease with the rest of the members of the group.
We were all those new parents at one point in our lives, and now it is our turn to help the other new parents. Because, to be brutally honest, no one else knows what you are going through, except for another parent, who is on the same path that you find yourself on, we are just a little bit further down the road. That’s not to say that we, ourselves don’t find ourselves back at stage one from tome to time.
This grieving thing is a continual process, and yes, sometimes it feels like you just got knocked back to-day one. But no matter what happens, we will be there for you.