I hate this!! I am on a friggin rollercoaster that only seems to spiral in one direction…down. In a very weird way it kind of reminds me of a ride at Disneyland called space mountain. The ride, if you have never been on it, it in virtual darkness, with, if I remember correctly, only the rails are lit, with flashing little lights, and a kind of glow and the dark paint on the cars themselves. It has been a very long time since I rode the ride, but the feelings are kind of weirdly similar.
I am in the dark so much in my mind, and I feel like I am swirling in this pit of darkness, with little light.
I am not even sure if my above example even really fits. I know that I am depressed. I know that I am in more pain than I have ever been in before. I talk to Jennifer constantly throughout the day, and into the night. I tell her how much I love her, above all else, and that I miss her constantly.
I long to hold her, to just simply feel her warm body close to mine. I miss our cuddle time that we had every single day. I miss her telling me that she loved me, and her hugs. Everything seems empty.
I long for my daughter. I long for my Jennifer.