Dreading Monday

Tomorrow Tony has to go back to work. Dreading the silence that will once again be a large part of the day. Tomorrow I am taking him in to work, and after support group will go to pick him up. The rest of the week, he will be taking my car to work, except for Thursday, when I have a doctor’s appointment. 

His car has, for the most part, been just parked for the last several months, and it has electrical issues, which have drained the battery. But seriously, when we bought the car, about six years ago, we bought it used from an older couple and only paid 400.00, so we certainly can’t complain about a few minor inconvenience. Had we gone out and started it every few days, it would probably start up just fine. 

But, with his back issues, and then the surgery, on top of our minds continuously occupied with the death of Jennifer, neither one of us even though about his car. Sure we could just call AAA, and they would jump the battery, but now it also has a flat tire. 

Regardless of all that, I feel better with him just taking my car. I won’t have to worry about him breaking down, and I won’t really be using it, except for support group meetings, and doctor appointments.

Right now we are both consumed with thoughts of Jennifer, as the one year date draws ever closer. Four more days, not including today, my baby girl died exactly one year ago. I am consumed with grief and pain. Tony is not doing well at all. He frequently breaks down, and we are still searching for the missing pendant. 

Yesterday, a very lovely, caring woman posted a comment on my Facebook page, regarding my status that I had written about losing the pendant. She said that maybe Jennifer removed it, or caused it to fall off because he doesn’t need it any more. I told him about this and he said that maybe she did. Because if he was wearing it at work, it would be a constant reminder for him, and probably cause him to have more emotional problems at work.

We shall see what this week brings, one day at a time. That is all we can do right now,