December 28th

December 28th if fast approaching, and that is my beloved daughter Jennifer’s birthday. It has also been for the past two years the day that I fall to pieces. Instead of being able to celebrate my daughters birth, I have to remember that she will never again be able to celebrate her birthday, or any other special days that come along in a young woman’s life. No special boyfriend, no engagement, no walk down the aisle, and none of the other special days that would follow.

Jennifer was our only child, and when she passed away, she was just 23 days short of her 24th birthday. She had never experienced the joys of being pregnant and childbirth, and so there will never be any grandchildren for my husband, Jennifer’s Daddy, or for me. I must admit that was something that I was so looking forward to, as was my husband.

So now December 28th will also have one more painful reminder for us. It is the day that we will be giving notice to move out of the apartment that we have lived in for 12 years. The last home that Jennifer ever lived in, as she still lived at home. I have 12 years of our lives to pack up, and downsize down to a one bedroom apartment for just my husband Tony and I.

We have decided to move to Henderson, a town within Clark County. As Clark County grew it developed into three towns. There is Las Vegas, North Las Vegas, and Henderson. We chose Henderson as it is furthest away from anywhere else that we have lived in Las Vegas before, and thus it won’t have all the memories, that sometimes just driving down a familiar street can suddenly hit you in the gut like a sledgehammer. I think that Jennifer would approve of our choice.

A lot of my old clothes that no longer fit me, since I had my weight loss surgery will be donated to the local women’s shelters. As will many of Tonys old clothes that no longer fit him. There is so much “stuff” that we have held on to, for reasons that I really haven’t the faintest idea why. ¬†All of that must go.

We moved from Southern California to Las Vegas, NV almost 18 (or is it 19) years ago. So much stuff that to be perfectly honest, some of it is still in boxes in our bedroom closet. I am sure that some of that stuff is photo albums, and pictures that probably never even made it into some extra empty albums. There is also all the craft things I used to do. Needlepoint, cross stitch supplies. (I seem to remember a whole box of different colors of thread that I had painstakingly wrapped around the little cardboard thread holders, and the special box that all of it went into.) Not to mention the yarn for crocheting, and all the different types of paints…some for t-shirts, others for ceramics. Why did I leave all that packed away? I guess life got in the way.

Well I am sure that much will be discovered, or perhaps I should say ‘re-discovered? Who knows at this point.

But for as much as I plan to get rid of, I am sure that there will be some things that will have to have space made for, in our new life. Of course, all of Jennifer’s things will find their way with us. After all, she was and is, still the center of our lives. And of course, whatever “gifts” or “signs” that she gives us along the way. On this new path that the good Lord has placed us upon, will be full of many new memories, many new friends, and many new discoveries, about most importantly, ourselves.

So when that last day in February comes along…I will join hands with my husband, and Jennifer will be there with us, and we will say our prayers and say Godspeed! To wherever He choses to lead us to. Our lives are firmly in His, and only His loving hands. I/We fully trust in our Lord, and our Savior Jesus Christ. He will provide, no matter where He decides we need to be at this moment in our lives.