One in the morning

Went to bed early, because I have to take Tony to work this morning, but my back pain woke me up. I tried just rolling over and going back to sleep, but no dice. So I am up, waiting for the pain pill to work.

I have a few things to do today, but I have to time them so that I can have some down time in between. I didn’t do that last Monday, and I was hurting so bad, I had to miss group. Because usually I go to group, then get Tony, then we go to his therapy session, then sometimes have to go to the store afterwards. That’s a lot. For me anyways.

I am thinking about Jennifer all the time lately. I miss her so very much. And to be honest it hurts all the time.

Next week I, and my best friend Joanne are going to Arizona. Going to visit my sister Brenda, and then also going to visit Joanne’ s Mom. We are going to be gone the whole week. There is one place in particular that I want to go to, Sedona. I have been told that Sedona is a very spiritual place.

Other than that, I just need to get away, and I want to see my sister. I haven’t seen her since Jennifer’s memorial. We talk often, but I just need my big sister. The added benefit is being with Joanne. And also seeing her Mom.

I have group today, and that has been very emotional lately. But it’s good to have this safe place, among the other parents, my other family, They help me a lot. I know I can always find comfort and help there.

I would love to be able to go and visit my sister-in-law, in Maryland, but I really don’t see that happening anytime soon. Really can’t afford the cost of the plane fare, even if it was just me going. Tony can’t possibly take ant time off work. He just barely went back in the beginning of December.

I love talking to Barb. She is more like another sister to me, much, much more than my sister-in-law. When we talk on the phone, which is fairly often, she helps me. Makes me laugh, and just talking with her, and spending time with her, (she and her husband, Tony, were here not long ago). She helps take me out of myself, if that makes sense.

Basically, she helps buffer the pain that I/we constantly live in. I love her as much as I love my own sister, and I am ever thankful that she is in my life. But phone calls will have to be it for a while. Though I truly wish I did have the extra money to go and see her, and Tony, and of course my niece, Darby.

I am not saying that her calls don’t help, they do, tremendously! She loved Jennifer so very much, and Jennifer always had such a special relationship with Barb. I really considered her as more like a second Mom to my daughter. And I know how much Jennifer loved, and loves her.

Well I am going to try and go back to bed now. The pill has started working, thank God.
So I’ll say goodnight for now.

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