Monday

Yesterday, I took Tony to work as I had a doctor’s appointment, follow up on my wound, which has healed completely, thank God!  Thankfully, (or luckily) I was taken back very quickly, a rare occurrence let me tell you. When I commented to the assistant, she said that they had had a lot of no shows. Most likely, because of Martin Luther King Day, I guess people thought the office was closed.

Anyway, I was in and out in less than half an hour. Yesterday was also my support group meeting day, but I decided not to go. Why, I am not really sure. I just didn’t feel like going, which in itself is unusual. I try to never miss group, and have only not gone before when I was ill, but even after my surgery, I was back after only missing one meeting after my surgery.

I was in an odd mood yesterday, not really depressed, as I have been, but at the same time, totally unmotivated and feeling just generally out of sync. So I called Tony, told him I had decided to not go, which he said was totally up to me. So I ran a couple of errands and went home, to veg on the couch.

Before I knew it, it was time to go and get Tony from work. I’m still tired, still feeling out of sync, but on Monday’s, after I pick up Tony, we have to go to his therapy session. So we got there and I was telling the therapist about my upcoming trip to go to visit my sister, Brenda, and that my best friend, Joanne was going to be going with me, so we decided to also go and visit Joanne’ s Mom as well, which extended the time I was going to be away from home, from a few days, to a full week.

Tony isn’t happy that I’m going to be gone so long, but he is glad that Joanne is going, and he knows that I need to get away. So the therapist was asking about his support system, did or does he have anyone else besides me.

He spoke a little about his Mom and sister, but said that he doesn’t really reach out to them because it usually gets him all stirred up emotionally. The therapist then brought up his father, who to be honest, Tony doesn’t have a relationship with him at all. I believe it all leads back to some things his mother shared with him, regarding something his father supposedly said when Tony was born.

This one piece of information that she shared has always been a bone of contention between he and I, and in the session, he got angry when I stated my opinion, and said some really harsh words with me, at which point, I left the office. I waited outside until he was done, and we were both still angry. I said he wouldn’t have to worry about my opinions, in his sessions anymore, as I wasn’t going to go with him anymore.

I will have my own therapist, and had only gone with him, at his therapist request.

We got home, and I went into our room to watch tv, leaving him in the living room, because I felt angry still, and needed to calm down. After he ate, he came in the bedroom, and said we shouldn’t be arguing about his parents, and that it has nothing to do with Jennifer.

But in some ways he’s wrong about that. He was raised with an emotionally distant mother, and a non supportive father, and I think it may have bearing about Tony’s relationship with Jennifer, and about his inability to let go of the past.

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